A Moment of Intimacy
It is currently 1:05 AM. I have two papers due this week. One is due Thursday and the other Friday. But I feel like this is what I am supposed to be doing right now.
I just finished reading an excerpt from the awesome book by Cleophus LaRue (on staff here at PTS) called, “This is My Story: Testimonies & Sermons of Black Women In Ministry.” So far I have read excerpts from 2 of the 25 women. I try to read one testimony every week for pleasure and for encouragement. Of course both being 2 of my favorite preaches: Dr. Cynthia Hale and Dr. Claudette Copeland. Through their words alone one these pages they have made the pleasures and pains a reality for African American women in Ministry.
I wanted to take this moment for myself (an allow you, whoever you may be, to peer with me at where I am) Here its goes…
I am sure, but I am not quite sure, how I got here. In some aspects, the way that God has orchestrated me here is evident over my life. Yet, in other ways I wonder why me. I guess that is was a part of Jesus’ desert experience. Was coming to grips with who He was in the flesh having known what he had been in the spirit.
Here in this place I am faced with so many challenges. I was discussing with my covenant group these inadequacy I often times FEEL. Each student comes to PTS on a different level. My peers know theological terms and I don’t. My peers can read material through once and engage in conversation about it where I have to read it through 2 and 3 times just to make sense of the base of the material. The list can go on and on. But yet, I continuously remind myself that although these are things I FEEL, that I have all knowledge and that God has given me everything I need to be successful.
I don’t really know if there are words to describe quite where I am. I am in the dessert. I am in a land where the heat is on, the water is rare, and any of the food I receive must last me until the next meal. In some ways I am hungry and in others I am full. In some ways I feel lost and in others I am found.
What the Holy Sprit keeps reminding of is to STAND ON WHAT I KNOW.
I Know that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior of my Life.
I Know that I am called the ministry.
I Know that my God will never leave me nor forsake me.
I know that God will provide every single one of my needs
I know that God is present in this place
I Know that I was ordained to be here.
So in the midst of my frustrations I know the power of the God I serve.
So here is my prayer…
Awesome and mighty God. It is late, but I desire to be in your presence. I know that you are here. Thank you for coming. Daddy, pull me closer to you today. Pull me close to your bosom and love on me. I desire to be intimately connected to you. My heart is longing for you. I know God then when I operate in you, I feel complete. I know God that when I operate in you, I become more like Christ. I know that when I operate in you, I move closer to that moment when all will be made clear.
God I am not perfect. There are moments when I have allowed my flesh and/or my mind to doubt you. To doubt your plan. Forgive me. What I do know daddy is that if you search my heart you will know my only desire; my only longing is for you.
So tonight God, I am believing you. I am believing you and wanting to move forward in you. I am believing that you desire to pull me closer and I am longing for you.
Instruct me!
Lead me!
Guide me!Love on me!
Teach me!
Instruct me!
Councel me!
Mold me!
Shape me!
Do whatever you need me to do so that I might be fully equipped to do the work of your church.
To night, restore the time that has been lost and let me sleep within the arms of your care on tonight that I might wake refreshed and renewed in you. Let every paper be completed in excellence. Be in complete control.
Daddy I love you and I bless your Holy Name!
Amen!
I just finished reading an excerpt from the awesome book by Cleophus LaRue (on staff here at PTS) called, “This is My Story: Testimonies & Sermons of Black Women In Ministry.” So far I have read excerpts from 2 of the 25 women. I try to read one testimony every week for pleasure and for encouragement. Of course both being 2 of my favorite preaches: Dr. Cynthia Hale and Dr. Claudette Copeland. Through their words alone one these pages they have made the pleasures and pains a reality for African American women in Ministry.
I wanted to take this moment for myself (an allow you, whoever you may be, to peer with me at where I am) Here its goes…
I am sure, but I am not quite sure, how I got here. In some aspects, the way that God has orchestrated me here is evident over my life. Yet, in other ways I wonder why me. I guess that is was a part of Jesus’ desert experience. Was coming to grips with who He was in the flesh having known what he had been in the spirit.
Here in this place I am faced with so many challenges. I was discussing with my covenant group these inadequacy I often times FEEL. Each student comes to PTS on a different level. My peers know theological terms and I don’t. My peers can read material through once and engage in conversation about it where I have to read it through 2 and 3 times just to make sense of the base of the material. The list can go on and on. But yet, I continuously remind myself that although these are things I FEEL, that I have all knowledge and that God has given me everything I need to be successful.
I don’t really know if there are words to describe quite where I am. I am in the dessert. I am in a land where the heat is on, the water is rare, and any of the food I receive must last me until the next meal. In some ways I am hungry and in others I am full. In some ways I feel lost and in others I am found.
What the Holy Sprit keeps reminding of is to STAND ON WHAT I KNOW.
I Know that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior of my Life.
I Know that I am called the ministry.
I Know that my God will never leave me nor forsake me.
I know that God will provide every single one of my needs
I know that God is present in this place
I Know that I was ordained to be here.
So in the midst of my frustrations I know the power of the God I serve.
So here is my prayer…
Awesome and mighty God. It is late, but I desire to be in your presence. I know that you are here. Thank you for coming. Daddy, pull me closer to you today. Pull me close to your bosom and love on me. I desire to be intimately connected to you. My heart is longing for you. I know God then when I operate in you, I feel complete. I know God that when I operate in you, I become more like Christ. I know that when I operate in you, I move closer to that moment when all will be made clear.
God I am not perfect. There are moments when I have allowed my flesh and/or my mind to doubt you. To doubt your plan. Forgive me. What I do know daddy is that if you search my heart you will know my only desire; my only longing is for you.
So tonight God, I am believing you. I am believing you and wanting to move forward in you. I am believing that you desire to pull me closer and I am longing for you.
Instruct me!
Lead me!
Guide me!Love on me!
Teach me!
Instruct me!
Councel me!
Mold me!
Shape me!
Do whatever you need me to do so that I might be fully equipped to do the work of your church.
To night, restore the time that has been lost and let me sleep within the arms of your care on tonight that I might wake refreshed and renewed in you. Let every paper be completed in excellence. Be in complete control.
Daddy I love you and I bless your Holy Name!
Amen!
